I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
