i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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