I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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