News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
