she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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