that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
