Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Randomize
