it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
