then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
