I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
