dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
