what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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