Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
And then he peed in my hair
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