If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
3pm strippers are depressing
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
