I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
