today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
