sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
