She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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