Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
