the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She's the barista slut.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
