Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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