god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
