Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize