North Korea, Best Korea!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize