My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
