apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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