we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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