im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
