Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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