She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
