yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
