her vagine was all disorganized.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
