One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize