I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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