there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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