drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
