So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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