one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize