I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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