reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
