none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
17 year olds will be the death of me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
