How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This is not my ceiling
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
