I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
