I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
