she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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