I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
