whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
