I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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