farters have to be the big spoon...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
