dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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