9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
