after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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