The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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