The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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