She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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