Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
