he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
