can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
