glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
