from now on my penis is your penis
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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