grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
whose parrot is this?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
