the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Floor bacon is actually really good
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
