i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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