At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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