I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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