I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
