So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
