It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
